Pregnancy comes with a pretty obvious list of things you have to give up. There are foods you suddenly have to think twice about, medications you can no longer mindlessly reach for, and of course, alcohol.
For me, giving up alcohol itself hasn't actually been difficult. I've never been someone who comes home every night and pours a glass of wine, and I don't spend my weekends counting down the hours until I can have a drink. Honestly, there are plenty of times I could take it or leave it.
But what I didn't realise before getting pregnant was just how much I relied on having a drink in certain social situations.
I've always struggled with big groups of people. Put me around a handful of people I know well and I'm completely fine, but put me into a big party, event or gathering and suddenly my brain becomes painfully aware of absolutely everything. Who do I talk to? Am I standing awkwardly? Have I been too quiet? Am I supposed to join that conversation? Am I being rude if I don't? Why do I suddenly not know what to do with my hands?
In those situations, having a couple of drinks was always my way of taking the edge off. It quietened that part of my brain enough that I could relax, stop analysing every tiny interaction and actually enjoy being around everyone.
Then I got pregnant.
And suddenly I was experiencing all of those same social situations completely sober... while everyone around me definitely wasn't.
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The Funny Part? My Friends Aren't the Problem
Being sober around my people is actually surprisingly easy. If I'm with the friends and family I'm completely comfortable around, I don't really care whether they're drinking and I'm not. Does being the only sober person make me realise just how much of a liability some of them can become after a few too many? Absolutely. Does it also make me realise that I never fully appreciated just how bloody funny our group is when everyone is drunk? Also absolutely.
But I can sit there completely sober, laugh at everyone getting progressively more ridiculous, make sure nobody does anything too stupid, and genuinely still have a good time. I don't feel like I need a drink to fit in with them because they're already my people. I'm comfortable around them, they know me, I know them, and there's no pressure to be anything other than myself.
What I've realised is that it's the situations where I don't know everyone that are completely different.
Last weekend we went to an engagement party with probably around 150 people, and I felt like the biggest oddball in the room. There was absolutely nothing wrong with the party or the people there — it was purely me and my own social anxiety. Normally, I'd have a couple of drinks, that little voice in my head would quieten down, and before long I'd be socialising and probably wondering why I'd been nervous in the first place.
This time, there was nothing to take that edge off. I was completely aware of how uncomfortable I felt, surrounded by a huge group of people I didn't know particularly well, and instead of eventually relaxing into it, I just wanted to remove myself from the situation altogether. About an hour in, I looked at Tenison and told him I wanted to go home.
And that was probably when I realised that being sober during pregnancy hasn't been difficult because I miss drinking. It's been difficult because I've had to learn how to navigate situations where, for years, alcohol was the thing that helped me get past my social anxiety.
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I Guess I'm the Designated Driver Now
I'm sure the next few months will come with plenty more parties, gatherings and nights where everyone else gets to have a few drinks while I'm standing there with whatever exciting non-alcoholic beverage I've managed to find. Maybe I'll get better at pushing through that initial discomfort without needing the little bit of liquid courage I used to rely on, or maybe I'll just accept that some big social situations aren't really my thing when I'm completely sober.
For now, though, I've apparently taken on a new role.
I'm the designated driver.
Which means everyone else gets to enjoy themselves, I get to witness exactly how questionable their decision-making becomes as the night goes on, and I get to remember everything the next morning.
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The Biggest Piece of Advice I Can Give You
If there’s one thing I’ve learnt from all of this, it’s this: if you want to go home, just go home.
If you're standing at a party feeling uncomfortable, overwhelmed or completely out of place, and all you can think about is getting home, putting your comfy clothes on and being somewhere you actually feel happy — you don't need to force yourself to stay just because you think you should.
I've spent far too much time worrying about whether leaving early looks rude, whether people will wonder where I've gone, or whether I should just push through it for another couple of hours. But pregnancy has made me realise that I really don't need to.
The people who know you and care about you will understand. And if somebody genuinely has a problem with you choosing to go home because that's what you need in that moment?
Guess what? They aren't your people.
Go home. Get comfortable. Be happy. Put yourself first for once in your life 🤍
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