Before anything else, I want to remind you of something I think every mum needs to hear:
It is okay to worry. It is okay to ask, “Is this normal?” And it is okay to ask for reassurance when something doesn't feel right.
I'd much rather ask a question that turns out to be absolutely nothing than sit quietly worrying because I'm scared someone will think I'm being dramatic. And I'd certainly rather ask the question than ignore something important because I convinced myself I was overreacting.
Before getting pregnant, I knew literally nothing about growing a baby. I didn't know which aches and pains were normal, which weird changes to expect, what sensations were caused by everything stretching and moving around in there, or just how many times pregnancy would make me stop and think, What the hell is THAT?!
So I've Googled. I've asked ChatGPT. I've asked doctors. I've asked about every ache, every pain and every strange little change that has made me wonder whether everything is okay.
And you know what?
THAT IS OKAY.
You aren't supposed to magically know everything about pregnancy the second those two lines appear. You're growing an entire human being for the first time. Of course you're going to have questions.
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Are You Still in There?
One of the biggest pregnancy anxieties I've experienced is something I don't think I was prepared for at all — the time between scans.
Especially during that strange stage where you aren't really showing yet and you can't feel your baby moving.
You go to a scan, see this tiny little person wriggling around on the screen, hear that everything looks okay and leave feeling like the biggest weight has been lifted off your shoulders.
Then the days start passing.
And eventually that little thought creeps back in:
Are you still in there?
Are you okay?
Are you still growing?
I just want to know you're happy and healthy.
I've felt it before every single scan. There's always that little bit of anxiety sitting in the background until I'm lying on that bed and the screen comes on.
Then you see bub.
They're moving around, completely oblivious to the fact that Mum has spent however long worrying about them, and the relief that washes over you is almost impossible to explain without sounding like an absolute stress head.
For a little while, everything feels okay again. And then you wait for the next one.
And if you find yourself feeling this way too, please know that it is so much more normal than you probably realise. I actually voiced this exact worry to one of my friends who's pregnant too, and she immediately told me she gets the exact same feeling between every single scan.
There was something strangely reassuring about hearing another pregnant woman say, “Yep, me too.” Because sometimes you convince yourself you're worrying too much, when really you're just a mum who desperately wants to know that the little person growing inside you is okay.
Honestly, I just wish there was some magical little window we could open at home, have a quick look inside and go, “Yep, there you are. Carry on.”
Because when you're not showing much yet and you can't feel those reassuring little movements, that's really all you want — just five seconds of knowing, “Okay. You're still in there, and you're okay.” 🤍
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The Scare That Sent My Anxiety Through the Roof
At 17 weeks, I had one of those moments where my normal pregnancy anxiety went from quietly sitting in the background to full-blown panic.
Tenison and I were mucking around at home. I was lying on the floor, he was standing over me tickling me, and somehow he lost his balance and fell backwards.
Straight onto my stomach.
With his ass.
His entire bloody body weight landed directly on my belly hard enough to completely wind me.
Now, I can laugh slightly at the ridiculousness of explaining that story — “Yes, hello, I'd like to make sure my baby is okay because my husband accidentally sat on them.” 😂 — but in that moment, it wasn't funny at all.
My brain immediately went to the worst possible place.
Have we hurt the baby?
What if something has happened?
How would I know?
And because I still wasn't at the stage where I could reliably feel bub moving, I couldn't even give myself that little bit of reassurance. There was no kick that I could wait for and think, Okay, you're still in there.
I worried until I was eventually able to have another scan.
And then there they were.
Our little bub, okay.
That feeling of seeing them moving on that screen after convincing myself of every possible horrible outcome was something else entirely.
It was another reminder of just how vulnerable pregnancy can make you feel. You can love somebody more than you can explain before you've even met them, yet for so much of pregnancy you have absolutely no way of looking inside your own body and checking that they're okay.
You just have to trust that they are.
And sometimes, that's really bloody hard.
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You Are Allowed to Ask
Something I'm slowly learning is that there is a difference between recognising that anxiety can make my mind run away with me and dismissing every concern I have as “I'm probably just overthinking it.”
Pregnancy comes with some weird and wonderful symptoms, and yes, sometimes the answer genuinely is, “That's completely normal.”
But I don't think we should ever feel embarrassed for asking the question.
If something feels wrong, if you're worried about a change, or if that little voice in your head won't leave you alone, ask. Talk to your doctor, midwife or maternity team. Let the people who actually know what they're looking for decide whether something needs checking.
Maybe they'll tell you everything is completely fine.
That's a good outcome.
You haven't wasted anyone's time. You haven't failed some imaginary test of being the chilled-out pregnant woman who never worries. You asked a question about the tiny person you're responsible for protecting.
And if you're currently in that weird limbo between appointments, staring down at a belly that doesn't quite look pregnant yet, wondering...
Are you still in there?
I promise you're not the only mum who's thought it. 🤍
Keep reading 🤍
If pregnancy has been feeling a little overwhelming lately, you might also like Pregnancy & Mental Health: The Side We Don't Talk About Enough.
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