Lately I've been thinking a lot about what life is going to look like once our little bub arrives. At the moment, it's still just me and Tenison. We can go out when we want to, sleep when we want to (well... he can), sit around doing absolutely nothing together, spontaneously decide to go somewhere, or spend an entire evening talking about things that have absolutely nothing to do with nappies, feeding schedules or whether another tiny human has pooped today.
In a few short months, that's all going to change, and it's something I'm so incredibly excited for. I cannot wait to see Tenison become a dad, and I cannot wait for us to step into this completely new chapter together. But there's also something I really don't want us to lose along the way — us.
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We Were a Couple First
Before there was a baby, there was the two of us. And without getting too soppy about it, this little baby quite literally came from the love that we have for each other. 🤍
I think sometimes when couples become parents, it's so easy — and completely understandable — for everything to suddenly revolve around the baby. You're tired, you're running on broken sleep, there are bottles or nappies or washing everywhere, someone needs feeding, someone needs changing, you've probably forgotten what day it is, and if you've managed to shower before lunchtime you're absolutely thriving.
Suddenly you're not just husband and wife anymore, you're Mum and Dad. While I haven't experienced that part yet, one thing I really want to be conscious of when our baby arrives is making sure that becoming Mum and Dad doesn't mean we stop being Carina and Tenison, because I think our relationship deserves looking after too.
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Keeping the Love Alive Doesn't Have to Cost $500
When people talk about "making time for your relationship", I think our minds automatically go to date nights — fancy restaurant, new outfit, hotel room, cocktails, babysitter. And don't get me wrong, that sounds bloody lovely. But keeping the love alive doesn't have to mean spending $500 on some extravagant night away.
Sometimes I think it's the smallest things that matter the most. Put a little love note in his lunchbox before he leaves for work. Send a completely random "Thinking of you 🤍" text in the middle of the day. Grab some snacks and a blanket and go somewhere for a spontaneous picnic. Make their favourite dinner, sit outside together with a coffee, give them a kiss when you walk past them in the kitchen for absolutely no reason, or simply tell them you appreciate them.
They're tiny things, and most of them cost absolutely nothing, but to me they all say the same thing: you're still on my mind, and I still choose you. I think those little reminders are probably going to matter even more when life gets busy.
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I Don't Want Us to Become Roommates Who Raise a Baby Together
I am under absolutely no illusion that having a newborn is going to be easy. I'm sure there will be nights where we're exhausted, scatterbrained and probably slightly irritated at each other for reasons neither of us can even remember. There will probably be days where romance is the furthest thing from either of our minds, and that's okay.
I'm not setting myself some unrealistic expectation that we'll have this picture-perfect marriage where we're going on romantic dates every weekend while our newborn conveniently sleeps through the night. I just don't want us to become so consumed by parenthood that one day we look at each other and realise we've forgotten to make time for the relationship that created our little family in the first place.
I don't want us to only talk about the baby, bills, work or what needs doing around the house. I still want to laugh with him about stupid things, hear about his day, flirt with him, and annoy the absolute shit out of him. I still want to be his wife, not just the mother of his child.
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A Few Little Promises Before We Become Three
I'm certainly no relationship expert, and our bub isn't even here yet, so I might come back and read this in six months while covered in baby spew and laugh at how optimistic pregnant Carina was. But there are a few little things I'd like us to try to protect once our baby is here.
1. One day every month belongs to us. I'd love for us to choose the same weekend each month — maybe the second or third Saturday or Sunday — and make that our date day. It doesn't have to mean a night away and it doesn't even have to mean dinner. It might just be a few hours where someone we trust has bub and we go get lunch, take a drive, have a picnic or sit somewhere together and remember what it's like to just be us. Every now and then maybe it will be a night away, but the activity doesn't really matter to me. The intention does.
2. End the day together. I'd love for us to try and have half an hour at the end of the night where it's just the two of us — phones down, no scrolling, no distractions, just lying there talking about our day. Even if the conversation is nothing more exciting than, "You'll never guess what happened at work today..." I don't ever want us to become so busy living alongside each other that we stop actually talking to each other.
3. Never stop saying I love you. Even when we're tired, even when we're annoyed, and even when the house is chaos and neither of us has slept and we've both had a crap day. I never want "I love you" to become something we just assume the other person knows, so we stop saying it. I want us to say it anyway.
4. Talk about the little problem before it becomes the big problem. This is probably one of the biggest ones for me. I don't want either of us bottling something up for weeks, quietly getting more frustrated, until eventually somebody explodes over something completely ridiculous like a teaspoon being left on the bench. If something is bothering us, let's talk about it. Not attack each other, not keep score and not try to win — just talk. I'd much rather have an uncomfortable ten-minute conversation today than a massive argument three weeks from now about something that could have been sorted out when it was still small.
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We're Allowed to Choose Each Other Too
I think sometimes parents can feel guilty for wanting time without their children. And again, ask me about this once I'm actually a mum because I'm sure leaving our baby for the first time will have me checking my phone approximately 700 times. But I don't think making time for your partner means you're taking something away from your child.
Actually, I think there's something really beautiful about a child growing up seeing two parents who still genuinely love each other. Seeing Dad kiss Mum goodbye, seeing Mum leave Dad a silly note, seeing them laugh together, seeing affection and seeing disagreements handled with communication rather than resentment. Seeing two people who became parents but never stopped choosing each other.
That's the kind of relationship I hope our little one gets to grow up around. Not a perfect one — God knows we aren't perfect. But a loving one. A safe one. One where we keep showing up for each other, especially during the seasons where showing up takes a little more effort.
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Before Mum & Dad, There Was Us
One day very soon, we'll be Mum and Dad, and I genuinely can't wait for that chapter of us. But I never want to forget the chapter that came first — the two of us, laughing at stupid things, annoying each other, dreaming about our future and building the life that our baby is now going to grow up in.
Because before there was Mum and Dad, there was us. And I think that version of us is worth making time for too. 🤍
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